There’s something about a porch that encourages open mindedness and free discussion. And nothing encourages that open mindedness and free discussion quite like a cold beer or a glass of wine.
Unfortunately, we live in St. Louis, it’s February, and the porch is disintegrating slowly. So… The Porch has become the kitchen.
Sitting in the Porch(kitchen) this evening are Alyssa and Liz. We became friends through our husbands who went to school together. We live a block and a half from one another in the Dogtown Neighborhood of St. Louis, and we started getting together for what we eventually started to call Porch Wine™. We had a dream to open a wine bar in our neighborhood dedicated to our love of Porch Wine™ and all that came with it. Free discussion, ridiculous discussion, deep insight we will probably forget happened, unnecessary purchases, and popcorn. However, our practical husbands didn’t 100% support this idea, so here we are. With a blog. And a future miniseries… probably.
While our dreams my have died a horrible and fiery death at the hands of the patriarchy, we do still have some cold beer. Pictured above is Vape Tricks by Prairie Artisan Ales. Which I have just learned is NOT a year round beer, so please excuse me while I go buy all of it that I can find. Unless they want to just send me some, because I mentioned them just now and that’s how this works, right? I’m on the internet for free beer – I’m just going to start with honesty.
Oh, hey, it’s gone.
We have moved on to Evil Twin Brewing‘s La Flama Blanca. It tastes awesome (but somehow different than normal, but I still love it.)
On to a couple topics:
Can I Speak with your Manager? – 23 And Me Edition
Alyssa: 23 and Me: I received by combination ancestry/health kit as a Christmas present from my parents, filled my tube with a ridiculous amount of spit, dropped it in the mail, and waited patiently for the results. The typical processing time is 6-8 weeks and as I neared the 8 week mark, my sample was not progressing. I’m not the type to pull the “can i speak with the manager?” card but I was very cordial and sent an email inquiring as to when I could expect my results. The first response indicated that there was difficulty in extracting enough DNA from my sample so my current theory is that I may or may not be 100% human. Apparently, my email was escalated and I received another response. Credit to mothers and their haircuts everywhere, I was offered expedited processing and a free kit for a friend or family member! I’m still holding on to the cyborg theory. I’ll keep you readers posted. (I feel like i just wrote a work email – Liz, please humanize this before posting.)
Liz: Nope. I have yet to complete my 23 and Me kit as I am grossed out by the idea of spit, and I really wish there were another way. I’m hoping that I’m at least 10% Neanderthal, though, because I feel like that would explain a lot of hair growth issues that I have. Also, at this point, it’s all those Christmas people sending theirs in, so it’s just going to be delayed, and what if they can’t find DNA in my sample like Alyssa, and I’m left to decide to continue on my current path or possibly take up a life of crime since no one will ever know it’s me since I don’t have DNA… These are big questions that I’m just not ready for.
There comes a time during every Porch Wine™ night where we inevitably start buying things. Discussions happen, Google happens, Amazon happens…
(Liz: This phenomenon is actually how I ended up with not one, but two 23 and Me kits (I thought there was some sort of special kit… there wasn’t it was just another kit)
We have just purchased facial masks. THEY’RE MAGNETIC WITH VOLCANIC MINERALS. And Korean. We could only read half the stuff on their website, which means it’s exotic and good. So… they must be awesome, right? They’ll be in this weekend, so we’ll give those a try. Also, ALL the comments are from verified purchases, and Amazon is our new God, so… #isgonnabeawesome #foreveryoung
Oh, we also bought a 24K gold neck mask that was $14.95 for 10, so I’m pretty sure that means I just got a really good deal and that the product isn’t complete shit.
Grimm Artisanal Ales Sumi Zest (This photo is ArTiStIc)
Alyssa: Grimm is my favorite beer… they just make really fucking good beer. Oh God that’s good…. GRIMM IS SO GOOOOOD. (Actual Quote)
Alyssa Popcorn Time
Instructions for Alyssa Popcorn:
1 Package Organic Oil Free, Salt Free Popcorn
1 Cabinet of random ingredients (oils, powders, etc.)
Cook popcorn according to directions on package. Give to Alyssa to zhuz up. Serve in big daddy bowl. Consume. It’s healthy.
Unnecessary List Edition
Cities We Hate (Sorry in Advance)
We live in Dogtown, we can get anywhere in 15 minutes, so there’s a theme here.
- Phoenix, AZ (No grass and spread out)
- Dallas, TX (45 minutes to get anywhere – too spread out)
- Jacksonville, FL (Too spread out)
- Chicago, IL … but we love chicago… but we haaate Chicago…. but it’s so awesome…
- Columbus, OH (It’s in Ohio.)
- Anywhere in Ohio (It’s in Ohio.)
- Tulsa, OK (Tulsa’s pretty shitty)
- Nashville, TN (Get over yourself)
- Cedar Bluffs, AL (murder hotel)
- Worcester, MA (nope.)
Cities We Love
- St. Louis (Hometown Proud)
- Philadelphia (A city that owns its passive-aggressive nature – Never change, Philly, and Fly, Eagles, Fly)
- Portland, ME (Gorgeous and Awesome food scene – ~400 restaurants with a small population, breweries in walking distance from everywhere)
- New York (Not so much the City itself as the surrounding Burroughs)
- Southern California in General (Just… so pretty)
- Northern California, specifically Redding because of this place called GrillaBites that may or may not still exist (it does not, unfortunately), but it was home to the best raw vegan tiramisu (don’t hate) ever in the history of the world oh my god it was so good i want some right now.
- Damn, I think we really like California….
- New Orleans (French. Cat. Butt. Plates.)
- Chicago (I’M SO CONFUSED)
- Louisville, KY (Beer! Culture! Hospitality!)
- Austin, TX (Yes, us hipster women like places that are AWESOME.)
- Las. Fucking. Vegas.
- Murdo, SD (Liz: I got stuck there when a freak blizzard came through, and there is the BEST pizza place (Prairie Pizza) where the crust of the pizza is a cinnamon roll and it comes with dippin’ icing)
- Madison, WI (Alyssa: I would say I love Madison – food, beer, friends…)
Now that we’ve likely pissed off one of our two readers (get over it, Chicago), it’s time to…
Close it Down
(less artistic… beer basically already gone)
HomeTown Proud! Finishing out the evening, we have the 4 Hands Brewing Company Preserved Lemon Gosé. As you can see by the picture, it’s gone.
Welp, that about wraps it up for our first post here. Let’s see if we checked off all the important blog points:
- Anger Someone
- Mention the Patriarchy
Yep, looks like we’re good to go!