What’s Gak Got to Do With It?

Remember Gak?

If not, let me refresh your memory. Maybe with a picture?

Good. Good.

Now. Remember that distinct smell of Gak? The feel of it as you would squish it through your fingers? The smell would be left behind for hours, lingering still even after you’d washed your hands and applied some Love Spell lotion.

Well, that exact same feel and smell sensation can be yours again – with the EBP Medical 24K Gold (?) Collagen Crystal Neck Mask.

Confusing directions aside (use your deductive reasoning skills, and you’ll figure it out), we decided to give these a try.

Now, Alyssa and I have decidedly different sized necks. She is slender and long, I’m short and fat. If this were a movie, she’d be Arnold, and I’d be Danny Devito.

So. After not being able to apply as shown in the picture (as there were no pictures), we slapped that Gak on our neck skin.

Words cannot describe the feeling. It’s….. it’s so weird. It feels like you caught a couple slugs in your backyard and, instead of designing an intricate cage-match involving salt and time, you smeared them on your neck.


Nothing holds these on. I think maybe you’re supposed to be horizontal while you wear them, because otherwise they slowly slide down your neck, streaming their snail Gak juice behind them.

Instructions indicated to leave the masks on for between 30 minutes and TWELVE HOURS.

We made it 15. Minutes, not hours. We saw no results, but the smell and Gak snail jelly remained.

Okay, so can we really form an opinion based on one usage where we only made it halfway through the suggested time?


2/2 would not recommend.

Final grade: D-

Pros: intense nostalgia over Gak memories

Cons: literally everything else

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